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Crew Biographies
david LISTER
David Lister was found under a pool table in Aigburth Arms on November 26, 2155. He doesn't really know who his parents are, but he was adopted by a rich couple who allways faught.
He enjoys beer, curry, and vindaloo. His first love is Kristine Kochanski.
As a child, Lister was a very poor student. With a nick name of "Fat Boy," he enjoyed wasting class time by drawing mustaches on pictures of sperm. At age 12, he lost his virginity on the ninth hole of a golf course. Yes, twelve years old!
In later life, as a teenager, Lister had his own band. They were the famous, "Smeg and the Heads." Their greatest hits include the wonderful, "Om." Sonn after that, Dave applied for a job to park the trolley at a Mega-Mart. After being caught sleeping on the job, he was gven an extensive, and rather irritating lecture by his boss. This caused him to quit.
On his twenty-fifth birthday, he and a few friends went on a drinking binge around London. He fell asleep, drunk, and the next thing he new, he was sleeping in a storage locker on one of Jupiter's moons. He was determined to get back to Earth. He signed up for the space corps, basically jsut to bum a ride home. Surprised they would actually take him, he became a third technition about the JMC mining vessel, Red Dwarf, where he was assigned to clean the chicken soup dispensing machines.
Lister continues to attempt to return home. He is determined to start a farm on Fiji with Kochanski and Frankenstein.
arnold RIMMER
Arnold Judas Rimmer, BSC SSC was born on Io, on of Jupiter's moons. He was the least favorite of his parents.
He enjoys Reggie Wilson and Hammond Organ music. One of his prized possesions is his collection of photographs of 20th century telegraph poles. Two others are his Bronze Swimming Certificate (BSC) and hi Silver Swimming Certificate (SSC). He favorite past time is bossing around David Lister.
Arnold was the youngest of four children in his house hold. Contrary to popular belief, his nick name was not "Ace" It was indeed "Bonehead." He spent most of his time playing with his pet lemming......until he smashed its brains out, banging it on a wall when it bit him and wouldn't let go.
Attempting to follow in his brother's foot steps, Rimmer's only job ever was as a second technition aboard Red Dwarf. Well, that's true if you exclude his position of Treasurer of the Hammond Organ Owner's Society.
Up untill his death, he strided to be an officer. He just fell short of his goal by failing the Astro Navigation Exam on more than a dozen occasions. Sadly, he was killed by a nuclear explosion, cause by himself, which also killed the rest of the crew.
holly
There's not much to say about Holly. He served as Red Dwarf's computer. He enjoys checkers, and harrassing the crew. Once having an I.Q. of 12,000, he now coul qualify as the ship's idiot.
the CAT
The Cat, as named by Lister, was born in Red Dwarf's cargo by after 3 million years of cat evolution. He is the product of a criple and a retard.
He enjoys eating, sleeping, and looking good! The Cat is a surprisingly excellent pilot, with out any education. Another tallent of thee is his nostrol hairs. They can sense dangerous ships miles away! Obviously, his most prized possesion is his wardrobe. It's massive. (That pretty much explains it!)
He had a very bland childhood. He had to teach himself. The only things he knew were to eat, sleep, and have sex. He decifered who his mother was when she constantly refused his offer to "rock the casbar."
As the crews best qualified pilot, and the best looking man on board, his only dreams are to settle down after finding no more than ten women who are right for him.
kryten SERIES 4000
Kryten was created in 2340 by Professor Mamet, a employee of Diva Droid, Inc.
Kryten, a service mechanoid, did not have a childhood. He did, however, get a degree in Lavatorial Sciences from Toilet University. He was discovered by the Red Dwarf crew after being aboard the Coca-Cola owned vessel, Nova 5.
Kryten enjoys cleaning everything, and serving the Red Dwarf crew. Also, an occasional episode of Androids is prefered.
Kryten's only real dream is to have a garden of his own to watch it grow. And so he can nurture it.
kristine KOCHANSKI
(I'm not really sure when Kochanski was born. If you know, tell me so I can post it. Thanks!)
Kochanski enjoys opera, the artificial reality Pride and Prejudice World, and, ofcourse, cottage cheese and pinnapple chunks.
As a child, Kristine was spoiled rotten! She even had her own pony, "Trumper." Her parents were very rich so she was sent to the best schools. She attended Cadet School, and Cyber School for eleven years.
Officer Kristine Kochanski was a navigational officer on Red Dwarf.
Her dream is to repair the tear in space/time so she can get back to her real home, and her real boyfriend, and he real life.
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